Quotes tagged with: funny

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Zane sighed. Jovan and Mother were just the same. "Maybe later" meant no.
C.J. Milbrandt
You can make fun of yourself and people will laugh at you. If you're smart, you'll end up as a comedian. If you're not, you'll end up as a clown.
Ljupka Cvetanova
We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
To evade arrogance, remind yourself (from time to time) that your talent or success could have been better. To be thankful, remind yourself (every now and then) that your illness or failure could have been worse.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
The middle class were invented to give the poor hope; the poor, to make the rich feel special; the rich, to humble the middle class.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
She says screens are the cigarettes of our age. They're toxic, and we're only going to realize the damage they're doing when it's too late.
Sophie Kinsella
Like alcohol and poverty, a heartbreak has the power to make a man do something he wouldn't normally do and to make a woman do someone she wouldn't normally do.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
It's a Christmas miracle. I had no tree. Now I have a forest.
Richelle Mead
It is an undisputed truth of the modern age that there are now only two kinds of people in the world: people who call and people who text.
Lindsey Kelk
I don't imagine book elitists as my audience when writing. I dream about teachers, morticians and garbage men instead.
Justin Alcala
But sometimes there's a difference between being needed and being taken advantage of.
Lindsey Kelk
Christians sometimes make themselves into elephants afraid of mice. You have the Creator of the universe on your side; not to mention, you've been given eternal life. 'Whom or what shall you fear?' To be afraid of anything other than God himself is like an insult to God.
Criss Jami
Even those who want to go to heaven would rather kill than be killed.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
People are often wary of reading or watching anything in the horror genre because in their minds, it's just senseless gore, death and violence. Well, I can tell you from avid experience, that's not what horror is about. The horror genre teaches us that sometimes really bad things happen to really good people, but that hope always prevails in even the darkest of situations. That's a very important lesson, no matter how frightening you think the teacher is, and to be in the top of her class, all you need to do is to go in with an open mind.
Rebecca McNutt
Wealth seldom fails to breed the fear of poverty.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
We have glorified wealth and freedom so much that it is impossible for most of us to truly believe that a man can truly be happy in a shack or within the confines of a prison cell.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Most people do not mind having a house that is smaller and/or a car that is cheaper than their neighbours', as long as they each earn and have more money than their neighbours, and, equally important, their neighbours know that.
Mokokoma Mokhonoana
As he pulls away from her, his gaze meets mine, and we stare at each other for one long moment before I slowly raise my left hand and give him the middle finger.
Deanna Chase
The number of times he'd had to pinch his nose to keep his soul in so that he'd make no noise while peering through the parlor keyhole...
Emma Trevayne
I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
Winston S. Churchill
Ian was too Captain America for my taste.
Gloria Craw
Two passing jetliners reported to controllers they'd seen a man with a gun seated on a deck chair at eleven thousand feet…
Tom Magliozzi
One must always be careful of books,' said Tessa, 'and what is inside them, for words have the power to change us.' 'I'm not sure a book has ever changed me,' Will finished. 'Well, there is one volume that promises to teach one how to turn into an entire flock of sheep-' 'Only the very weak-minded refuse to be influenced by literature and poetry,' said Tessa, determined not to let him run wildly off with the course. 'Of course, why one would want to be and fire flock of sheep is another matter entirely,' Will finished.
Cassandra Clare
Drainage tubes ran out of his belly and side, and there was a catheter the size of a pencil coming out his penis. Nothing particularly hurt, so he had to assume he was on pretty nearly all the narcotics there were.
James S.A. Corey
I know nothing of magick, the naked man said to the raven, except what you told me. He laughed sadly. And I barely remember that. I tend to drift off when you ramble.
Ash Gray
Shadowmane sighed as well. :We had better do what this Topaz commands. Unicorns are jerks when they don't get their way.:
Ash Gray
:I am Topaz,: the unicorn on the hill haughtily announced, :and this is my vale.: :I was not aware unicorns could own vales,: Wareska linked. The unicorn stiffened, and even from this distance, Wareska could see her bright, golden eyes narrow dangerously. :Now you know,: she said with quiet menace.
Ash Gray
I want my lobster in bite-sized pieces! How dare you make me chew more than thrice?
Adam Jay Epstein
Were you planning to jump off?" Not on pizza day. Never on pizza day, which is one of the better days of the week. I should mention that I am a brilliant deflector.
Jennifer Niven
You have a mind like the rings of Saturn. A million miles wide and an inch deep.
Kim Stanley Robinson

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